the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
