Whod you bang
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
