thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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