I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
