is wine microwaveable?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
