He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
