Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
