So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
