No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
