It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
