Say something about gay babies.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
