oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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