you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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