I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
