I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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