Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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