smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
