I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
