i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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