Apparently you make a good broom.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Welp...herpes.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
