What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
