its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
