Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
