I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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