Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
