i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
