6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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