it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
