Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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