Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
