I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
