I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
