i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
