I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
