Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
