it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
