His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
