Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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