I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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