You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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