I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
