Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
