We won't sleep together?
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The beers last night were like the tears from god
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
