Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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