she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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