Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
