Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
