FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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