God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We left the knife in your bed.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
