There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
