'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
